A Healthy Relationship Should Look Like This

As human beings, we all desire relationships. There have been numerous studies and theories on relationships that show a positive correlation between relationships and happiness, and we as people report that relationships are the best parts of our lives. This can be seen in friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships, and work relationships, as these are the most common that we encounter on a daily basis. However, as you begin to form relationships, it is important that we recognize if they are healthy for your well-being. 

Sometimes, people will form a bond or a relationship from an unhealthy trait or habit, and this leads to toxic relationships. This is what we do not recommend you do, as these relationships tend to have a harsher than expected end, or they leave you with thoughts of low self-esteem, unhealthy views of relationships, or a combination of these. This is why we want to talk to you about the components of healthy relationships that are important to keep at the forefront of all of the relationships you have. 

Open communication is one of the most important components of a relationship. This is because we get to understand other people through communication. Communication includes speaking, but more importantly listening, and not just using the ability of your ears, but actively listening to the other person. Take heed to what they are saying about their likes, dislikes, preferences, boundaries, and more because this will allow them to express their true feelings and outlook on life. This way, you can learn to accept the real them, and they can accept the real you. Communication breaks down all falsities of who you think the other person is and allows you to both see each other and form a true and honest relationship. 

The next important component of a healthy relationship is honesty and trust. Honesty and trust go a long way within any relationship because they are the confidence that you build with one another. Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something, and that is exactly what the relationship must stand upon. Trust allows you to place confidence in the person that you are in a relationship with and leaves no room for doubt or insecurity. Trust is also something that must continue to build on a regular basis in order for the relationship to last. 

The last component of a healthy relationship that we want to share is effort. Relationships require both people to place optimal effort in order for the relationship to grow. Effort can look like giving words of affirmation, doing acts of service, giving or receiving a gift, spending quality time, or physical touch. These are popularly coined as “love languages,” and we like this term because relationships require a level of effort that makes sense to the people in the relationship. This may look different for each relationship that you have, but once you establish what works for you and the other person, stick to it. Each person that puts in the effort will then feel as though they are being treated fairly in the relationship, which is healthy for both parties. 

There are so many more components to a healthy relationship, and we want to help you dive into what that looks like for your life. Click here to book a session with us, and let’s get you started on the journey to forming healthy long-term relationships. 

What Did Stress Reveal to Me?

The general consensus is 2020 has been full of stress and will likely go down in history as the most stressful year for a lot of people. Have you paid attention to how the stress has impacted you? Do you feel compressed and overwhelmed? Are your thoughts on the treadmill of your mind? Does problem solving seem to be at an all-time high?

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” – Brene Brown

This quote is such a reminder that most people are doing the best they can with their situations and who are we to shame them? Don’t cover up your stress either! No need to be ashamed and please do not allow others to shame you for having a human response to life altering situations. But you can definitely modify how you use it. I have found that some of my best ideas came from me feeling squeezed by stress. I wear a lot of hats and I know you do to but it’s the way we move in it that will determine the long-term effects. I’ve had hair loss, weight gain (stress eating is a thing), headaches, irritability, isolation and self-defeating behaviors when I could not control my stress. It often led to depression if it went unresolved for too long. This is not to say that I don’t experience those symptoms again; I definitely do, but I no longer suffer such negative consequences as a result.

1. Allow your mind to protect you; it was designed to identify ways to protect you. Allow your stress response to move you into doing and not paralysis. Get organized! Do a brain dump on paper, white board or your phone. Who do you need to call? Where do you need to go? Who do you need to see? Stay current – don’t look too far back or forward. Now is not the time to discuss a five-year plan!

2. You know that stress can weigh down your immune system and make you vulnerable to disease. One sure fire way to use/fight stress is to remind you to take your vitamins, stray away from the junk and/or go sweat it out. For those that stress eat like myself, I tend to find alternatives to what I’m trying to accomplish. This is not a time to work against myself. I want to chew something crunchy and often salty; therefore, I will look for snacks like nuts instead of chips or fries.

3. Stress can be motivating by giving us a rush of energy to do things we loathe and even move through them quickly because we want to check it off of our list. Cleaning, fixing, moving and correcting will often happen because we are “frustrated” or “irritable”. Go ahead – get it done! You might find some answers in that stack of papers you’ve been shuffling around.

4. Some people get a rush from competing. I personally don’t have a competing spirit against others, but I do enjoy outdoing myself and boy do I praise myself when I get it right! I add to my number of strengths and shore up my limitations and this is not done when I’m relaxed…stress usually lights a fire up under me. I am going to get stronger in some facet of my life because I want to be a better version of me and if increased stress helps me build resilience then I’m open to it.

Essentially, your perspective about stress does not have to change BUT your reaction to it does. Use your time effectively, control what is within your power, be realistic with your approach and allow your mind to move from fixed and paralyzed to growth.

Why Every Couple Should Talk About Money

Talking about money is just as important as other parts of a couple’s long-term success. Communicating about money will ensure that the two of you are creating and committed to the same joint vision. When couples make time to talk about money on a regular basis there’s an increased chance of avoiding misunderstandings and inconsistencies. Here are 5 key reasons why money should be a part of your relationship conversations:

To Create a Joint Vision

The both of you may have very different ideas about what constitutes success. One of you may have a goal of home ownership and the other prefers to rent; one person may enjoy building a nest egg and living as a minimalist and the other person indulges in retail therapy and impulse buys. These are issues that are revealed when two people are able to discuss money without judgement. If these conversations do not take place; poor money habits become larger, trust weakens and tension builds.  As an active participant in accomplishing individual and collective goals, it’s important for each of you to feel heard and valued as a contributor in the relationship.  

To Ensure You’re on The Same Page

If you want to make sure you’re both on the same page about financial goals I encourage couples to come to the table with a list of their financial needs and wants broken down by long term and short term goals. Regardless of how compatible two people believe they are; it is always interesting to see how differently one thinks is the best way to accomplish said goals when they are written down and discussed at length. After you determine the two of you are on the same page is it a great idea to evaluate monthly to ensure staying on track. Monthly meetings will allow you to address impulses, deficits or concerns appropriately. 

To Pursue Shared Goals in Life

Actively pursuing shared life goals are an important part of any relationship. You and your significant other will appreciate the attention given to discuss saving for the future so that you can enjoy travel, or check things off your bucket list. Financial planning for the future will not only give you something to look forward to but it can also reduce stressful encounters and reduce negative feelings. 

While pursuing shard goals, it’s considered healthy to have individual goals throughout the duration of the relationship. Putting your income together for shared goals or routine household finances are common. However, if one of you wants to pursue school, start a business or purchase a new car; it is best to discuss them to ensure the both of you agree on the impact on your overall financial growth. 

To Avoid Problems 

How important is it to talk about your finances? If you never talk about money and both of you are doing “your own thing”, 20 years can go by without either of you paying attention. That means you’re likely enabling one anothers poor financial behavior, avoiding emotional blow ups (that will eventually happen anyway), wind up without a savings and essentially only manage tasks and putting out financial fires. While you can’t possibly be perfect or do everything perfectly; the goal is to intentionally working together at removing financial problems as one of your hurdles. 

The Financial Future

Talking about money doesn’t have to be hard. Financial planning is only one aspect of your life together, but it’s what is going to help you meet your goals individually and collectively with the goal of living a happier life. Talking about it and setting yourself up for success will simply remove undue stress that doesn’t have to exist. If the both of you commit to meeting on a regular basis to collaborate based on the wants and needs you are more likely to be successful. 

Learning Healthy Anger Management Strategies

There are many strategies to managing anger and each of them is intended to help people who are repeatedly having issues managing a healthy and normal response to upsetting situations. Sometimes things can be so intense that it escalates to the point of violence. When a person experiences multiple episodes of angry or reckless behavior; there's a problem, one that needs to be dealt with. Anger management strategies are designed to help an individual (and loved ones) return to a healthy, normal existence. 

 Taking a time-out is considered a healthy management strategy. Removing oneself from a situation or person that makes a person angry is eliminating the stimuli or trigger. This anger management strategy might simply require a ride in the car or a walk on the beach. Playing sports or working out can help use up some of the extra energy without involving others. Some other suggestions for time-out are reading, listening to music or sitting alone in silence. Each of these activities are considered healthy anger management strategies. 

A second example of healthy anger management is owning up to the anger. Although the anger is usually brought on by an irritating situation or a confrontation with another individual, you have to own your own emotions and behavior. Only the person who's experiencing the anger issues can control their outbursts. When an individual becomes angry, they need to try to disclose the reasons for their anger whether it is hurt, fear, frustration, confusion or jealousy. The person on the receiving end of the blow up will not know unless you verbalize it. 

 Our past can be our greatest teacher because we learn from past experiences. Look back on those situations that upset you before and try to find ways to handle them differently in the future. Learning the cause of your anger may help avoid those escalations that hurt others. Not only might you learn to avoid extenuating circumstances, but you might learn the origin of your trigger. Sometimes we are angry at ourselves and then there are times that we are really trying to protect ourselves with learned behaviors from our past.

Anger is a natural emotion and should not be avoided; trying to ignore it or normalize unhealthy behavior can and will create problems. There are self-help books, online courses, workshops and support groups provided by mental health providers that can help you unlearn what you think you know about anger management. Learning healthier strategies is something we all could benefit from and there are awesome resources near you that can help.

What About Anger Management Classes?

Many people with anger issues believe they can change at any time. By dismissing the behavior, individuals assume that their problem will disappear. Families attempt to function daily living with a person who has problems with controlling their temper. Fathers, mothers, even children can disrupt the entire household due to uncontrollable fits of rage. Keeping it a secret is toxic to the entire family. Denying the problem and refusing to deal with the anger issue solves absolutely nothing. In fact, when people ignore anger issues for too long the environment can become violent and even deadly.

As difficult as it may be, you are encouraged to be honest about the issues; accept there's a problem and begin finding the solution. Finding the right course of treatment will depend on the individual or family involved. Some may choose one on one counseling, while others may feel comfortable in a small support group setting. What about anger management classes? Sometimes this might be a great option for a person with repeated serious behavioral problems.

Anger management classes overseen by a professional in the field of anger management provides an opportunity for people to learn techniques and strategies to control their anger. Teaching participants how to deal with their anger by managing unwanted or harmful feelings and emotions. Explaining the benefits of exercises such as deep breathing, meditation and other means of relaxation would likely be on the lesson plan. Helping people to find positive and constructive ways to work through their problems with anger is the main objective of anger management classes.

Some individuals, especially those who are new to anger management classes, may feel uncomfortable or intimidated by the thought of a class setting. The classes are not meant to be threatening or demeaning. In fact they are supposed to be the exact opposite. Anger management classes should be relaxing and informal without any feelings of shame or embarrassment. Anger management classes are intended to help people by communicating respect, understanding, support and encouragement.

Where would an interested person enroll for anger management classes?

Sometimes an individual's first contact is the municipal courts. However, countless people have identified the need for themselves without coming in contact with any legal professionals. Feel free to reach out to counselors and/or medical professionals as they should be able to provide some information regarding anger management classes in the local area. If this doesn't work, the Internet is always a great resource for details about anger management including anger management classes. Internet searches can also provide plenty of information. Be sure to check out the contact information, dates, times and locations for various anger management classes. It is absolutely normal for someone to anxious about the first steps; but today there is plenty of help available in these situations. A person simply needs to ask for it.