Inner Conflict Holding You Back in Relationships?

Let’s be real—relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, whether it’s with your spouse, your business partner, or your closest friends. Most people carry a lot on their shoulders. They know how to close deals, run households, and take care of everyone else, but when it comes to dealing with their own internal stuff, they tend to brush it off.

We’ve all done it. That quick "I'm fine," the constant distractions, or pouring energy into work instead of facing what’s bubbling beneath the surface. But honestly—pushing down emotions and pretending everything’s okay only creates more distance in relationships. It can make communication awkward, create misunderstandings, and lead to frustration that lingers longer than it should.

The Cost of Avoiding Your Inner Struggles

When people bypass their emotions, it doesn’t just disappear. It shows up in passive-aggressive comments, lack of patience, and feeling disconnected even when you're surrounded by loved ones. The problem isn’t always the other person—it could be unresolved feelings that have been swept under the rug for way too long.

For married folks, it can mean years of resentment stacking up over unmet expectations and unspoken feelings. For divorced individuals, it can look like carrying past disappointments into new relationships, making it hard to trust again. Entrepreneurs and professionals? They might find it tough to separate work stress from home life, leading to relationships that feel transactional instead of genuine.

Signs You're Avoiding What Really Needs Attention

If you find yourself constantly saying, "It's not a big deal," or brushing off difficult conversations, you might be dodging something deeper. Other signs include:

• Feeling drained after social interactions, even with people you love.

• Overcommitting to work or projects to avoid personal issues.

• Struggling to express your needs or set boundaries.

• Unresolved resentment creeping into conversations.

• Turning to distractions—TV, food, scrolling—to avoid sitting with your thoughts.

Breaking the Cycle and Getting Real

So, what can you do? The first step is getting honest with yourself. Stop masking things with busyness or fake smiles. It starts with self-reflection, asking yourself what you really feel, and allowing space to acknowledge it without judgment.

1. Start Small…But Start
   You don’t have to fix everything overnight and it doesn’t have to be perfect.. Begin by being honest in one conversation—whether that’s with your partner, a friend, or even yourself in a journal.

2. Drop the Fear of Discomfort
   Addressing emotional baggage IS NOT easy, but sitting with it helps you move through it. Real growth happens when you stop running and start facing it.

3. Find Support That Works for You
   Whether it's a coach, therapist, or a friend that you trust, having a safe space to unpack your thoughts can make a world of difference.

4. Be Real with Your Circle
   It's easy to think everyone else has it together, but the truth is, most people are dealing with their own stuff too. Honest conversations can create connections and make relationships more fulfilling.

How This Shift Can Change Your Life

Once you stop avoiding your own emotions, relationships start feeling lighter. Communication becomes clearer, and connections become more significant. You'll notice yourself showing up differently, with more authenticity and less emotional weight holding you back.

No one is saying you have to bare your soul to every person you meet, but starting with yourself? That’s the game changer. It’s essentially building relationships that don’t just look good on the outside but actually feel good on the inside too.

Looking to make some shifts in how you show up in your personal and professional life? My book “Change Your Words to Change Your World” digs deeper into how to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships by dealing with what’s going on beneath the surface. Grab your copy from Amazon and start your journey today.

Effective Apology: The Steps to Genuine Reconciliation

In the nuances of human relationships, misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable. Whether it’s a casual disagreement with a friend or a more serious conflict with a loved one, at some point, we all find ourselves in a position where an apology is necessary. Apologizing is not just about uttering the words “I’m sorry”; a thoughtful act that can mend broken hearts and rebuild trust. Today I want to explore the art of an effective apology, exploring the steps to genuine reconciliation from both the perspective of the person who needs the apology and the one who has to give it.

When you’ve been wronged, hurt, or disrespected, the emotional impact can be deep. It’s not always just about the specific incident; it’s about the breach of trust, the feeling of betrayal, and the emotional scars that linger. Here are some common pain points for someone in need of an apology:

1. Betrayal and Trust Issues: The core of many conflicts is a sense of betrayal. When trust is broken, it feels like the ground has shifted beneath your feet. The person needing the apology might struggle with feelings of insecurity and doubt.

2. Emotional Hurt: Emotional wounds can be deep and long-lasting. The hurt person may feel a mix of anger, sadness, and disappointment. They might question their worth and wonder why they were treated poorly.

3. Need for Validation: Being wronged often leaves a person feeling invalidated and misunderstood. They need to hear that their feelings are legitimate and that their pain is acknowledged.

4. Desire for Justice: Sometimes, the hurt person wants more than just an apology; they want to see corrective action. They need assurance that the offending behavior won’t be repeated.

On the flip side, the person giving the apology also faces their own set of challenges. Apologizing can be difficult, especially if it involves admitting fault and making oneself vulnerable. Here are some common pain points for the person giving the apology:

1. Fear of Rejection: There’s always a fear that the apology won’t be accepted, leading to further conflict or rejection. This fear can paralyze a person and make it hard to take the first step.

2. Pride and Ego: Admitting fault can be a blow to one’s pride. It requires humility and a willingness to be vulnerable, which can be incredibly challenging.

3. Guilt and Shame: The person apologizing might feel intense guilt and shame about their actions. These feelings can be overwhelming and may hinder their ability to apologize sincerely.

4. Uncertainty About How to Apologize: Not everyone knows how to apologize effectively. There might be uncertainty about what to say and how to express genuine remorse.

A genuine apology involves more than just saying “I’m sorry.” It’s a process that requires self-reflection, empathy, and a commitment to making things right. Let’s break down the steps to a truly effective apology:

Step 1: Acknowledge the Wrong

The first step in any apology is acknowledging the wrongdoing. This involves recognizing and admitting the specific actions or behaviors that caused harm. It’s important to be clear and specific about what you’re apologizing for.

Acknowledge the specific behavior and its impact on the other person. Use “I” statements to take ownership of your actions.

“Hey, I know I messed up when I [specific action]. I can see how that hurt you, and I’m really sorry for that.”

Step 2: Express Genuine Remorse

Expressing genuine remorse means conveying that you truly regret your actions and the pain they caused. This step is crucial for the person needing the apology to feel that you understand their pain.

Show empathy and understanding. Validate the other person’s feelings and express your sincere regret.

“I feel terrible about what happened, and I hate that I hurt you. Your feelings are completely valid, and I regret my actions deeply.”

Step 3: Take Responsibility

Taking responsibility involves owning up to your actions without making excuses or shifting blame. This step demonstrates maturity and accountability.

Avoid justifying your behavior or blaming external factors. Accept full responsibility for your actions.

“I take full responsibility for what I did. It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have acted that way.”

Step 4: Offer an Explanation (If Appropriate)

Sometimes, it can be helpful to provide context or an explanation for your actions. This isn’t about making excuses but rather helping the other person understand what led to the behavior.

Offer explanations to provide context, not to justify your actions. Be transparent and honest.

“I was feeling really stressed out that day, but that’s no excuse for how I acted. I just want you to know what was going on with me.”

Step 5: Make Amends

Making amends involves taking action to correct the wrongdoing and prevent it from happening again. This could mean making restitution, changing behavior, or taking steps to repair the relationship.

Identify concrete steps you can take to make things right. Follow through on your promises.

“I’m committed to making this right. Here’s what I’m going to do to ensure this doesn’t happen again: [specific action].”

Step 6: Ask for Forgiveness

Finally, ask for forgiveness. This step acknowledges the other person’s power to accept or reject your apology and respects their feelings and boundaries.

Be sincere and respectful when asking for forgiveness. Understand that it may take time for the other person to heal.

“I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I know it might take some time, and that’s okay.”

Healing and Moving Forward

Once the apology has been given and received, the healing process begins. This is a critical phase where both parties work towards rebuilding trust and strengthening their relationship. Here are some tips for healing and moving forward:

For the Person that Received the Apology

1. Allow Yourself to Feel: It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, from relief to residual anger or sadness. Give yourself permission to process these feelings. It’s ok to see a therapist to help you process the surge of emotions that come up.

2. Communicate Your Needs: Let the other person know what you need to feel safe and supported moving forward. Clear communication is key to rebuilding trust. If you aren’t sure what you need, you can start by keep a running log until you can narrow them down and communicate them more clearly.

3. Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries to protect yourself and ensure that the offending behavior doesn’t happen again. Be clear about what is acceptable and what is not.

4. Focus on Self-Care: Take time to care for yourself emotionally and physically. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you heal. Keep in mind that you will need to continue those activities for you even beyond healing.

5. Seek Support: If needed, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly healing.

For the Person Who Gave the Apology

1. Be Patient: Understand that healing takes time. Be patient and give the other person space to process their feelings.

2. Show Consistency: Demonstrate through your actions that you are committed to change. Consistency is key to rebuilding trust.

3. Respect Boundaries: Honor the boundaries set by the other person. Respecting their limits is crucial for reconciliation.

4. Practice Self-Reflection: Continue to reflect on your actions and their impact. Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth.

5. Seek Support: If you’re struggling with guilt or shame, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can help you navigate your feelings and support your growth.

Apologizing is a very powerful act that requires courage, humility, and empathy. Truly understand and acknowledge the pain you’ve caused. By following the steps outlined you can offer a genuine apology that fosters healing and reconciliation. Remember, an effective apology can mend broken hearts, rebuild trust, and strengthen relationships. So, the next time you find yourself in a position to apologize, take a deep breath, be sincere, and commit to making things right. The journey to reconciliation may be challenging, but it’s worth every step.

In our journey through life, relationships are our most precious assets. They require care, attention, and sometimes, a heartfelt apology. By mastering the art of effective apology, we can navigate the complexities of human interactions with grace and compassion, ultimately fostering deeper and more meaningful connections.

The Ripple Effects of Emotional Immaturity

Workplace Woes, Rocky Relationships, and Crisis Conundrums

In our crazy lives, where each day we get a new challenge coming our way, how we handle our emotions plays a pivotal role not just in our personal spaces but also in professional environments and during crises. Emotional maturity isn't about suppressing feelings but understanding and managing them effectively.

Unfortunately, a lack of emotional maturity can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and missed opportunities in the workplace, relationships, and pivotal moments in life. In this blog I will dig into these impacts and offer three practical strategies to enhance your emotional maturity, paving the way for more fulfilling interactions and outcomes.

Impact on the Workplace

Emotional immaturity in the workplace can manifest as overreaction to feedback, difficulty handling pressure, or struggling with constructive criticism. It can greatly impact your growth at work. This not only affects individual performance but can also disrupt team dynamics. It’s like trying to dance in sync with everyone else, but you’re stepping on toes instead of matching the rhythm—resulting in a fragmented implementation that affects the whole production.

Impact on Relationships

In relationships, a lack of emotional maturity often appears as poor conflict resolution skills, inability to communicate effectively, or difficulty empathizing with others. Your emotional immaturity will throw everything off. This discord can lead to unresolved issues and feelings of dissatisfaction or resentment.

Impact on Handling Difficult Situations

When faced with high-stress or crisis situations, emotional immaturity can lead to panic, rushed decisions, or freezing up. It's like a pilot losing control in turbulence; the ride gets bumpier, not just for the pilot but for everyone aboard.

Three Ways to Cultivate Emotional Maturity

1. Practice Mindful Awareness: Start by becoming an observer of your own emotions. Practice mindfulness to recognize your emotional state without immediately reacting. For instance, if you feel irritated by a colleague’s comment, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings silently. Ask yourself why it bothers you and whether your immediate reaction will be beneficial in the long term. This pause can transform interactions, giving you time to formulate a more considered response.

2. Develop Effective Communication Skills: Communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity. Work on expressing yourself clearly and actively listening. In relationships, use 'I' statements to convey how you feel without blaming the other person, like saying, "I feel overwhelmed when we don’t plan our budget together," instead of "You never help me with the budget." In the workplace, ensure you're not just hearing but understanding what's being communicated to you, which can prevent many misunderstandings.

3. Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary: Often, we react poorly because we can't accurately find the words to explain what we're feeling. By expanding your emotional vocabulary, you can better express yourself. There are nuances between feeling ‘irritated’ versus “frustrated”, or ‘anxious’ versus “nervous”. The more precisely you can identify and verbalize your feelings, the more effectively you can address them.

Unlearning Unhealthy Behaviors

Unlearning deeply ingrained behaviors takes time and patience. A 70ft yacht can’t turn on a dime and neither can your habits. It requires constant practice and commitment to self-awareness. Celebrate small victories along the way; maybe today you managed to not snap back in a heated debate, or you took responsibility for a mistake at work without feeling diminished. These are signs of growing emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity doesn’t just improve the quality of your life; it changes how you engage with the world and how the world receives you. You’re turning reactive impulses into thoughtful responses. So, let’s start this journey toward a more emotionally mature you, enhancing every facet of your life with poise and positivity.

Shifting From Conflict in Relationships to Peaceful Resolutions

Hey there! I want to dig into conflicts and how it throws us for a loop. Whether it’s with your significant other, a close friend, or a family member, disagreements are part of the human experience. But here’s the kicker - it’s not the conflict itself that’s the problem; it’s how we handle it that can make or break a relationship.

First off, let’s get real about where these clashes come from. Misunderstandings, differing values, and unmet expectations are usually the root of conflicts. Picture this: you’re upset because your partner forgot your anniversary. It’s not just about the date; it’s about what that oversight signifies to you - maybe a lack of care or attention.

Communication is your hot ticket. It’s all about expressing your feelings without pointing fingers. Try saying, “I felt hurt when our anniversary slipped your mind,” instead of “You never remember anything important!” See the difference? It’s about sharing your feelings without making the other person the villain.

Now, once you’ve shared your thoughts and feelings, it’s time to zip it and listen. Really listen. This doesn’t look like you are waiting for your turn to speak; it’s about trying to understand where the other person is coming from. Empathy can be your best friend. Try to see the situation from their position - it can be a game-changer.

After both sides have had their say, it’s time to find that sweet spot of compromise. Maybe it’s agreeing to set reminders for important dates or finding a new way to communicate needs such as “We Didn’t Have That Conversation” relationship cards. The goal isn’t for one person to win; it’s for the relationship to win. The hard truth is - sometimes, you won’t see eye to eye, and that’s okay. Disagreeing does not have to equal a lack of respect; you can process each other’s perspectives and agreeing to disagree. This doesn’t mean sweeping issues under the rug; it’s about acknowledging differences and moving forward with respect.

Want to know a secret? The best way to handle conflict is to prevent it from escalating in the first place. Keep the lines of communication open and honest, check in with each other’s feelings, and don’t let small annoyances build up into big issues. However, there are times where despite our best efforts, things can feel a bit too much to handle alone. That’s where folks like me come in - counselors and relationship coaches. There’s no shame in seeking a little guidance to navigate through stormy waters. Just don’t wait too long where it becomes toxic.

Remember, conflicts are not the enemy; they’re opportunities for growth and understanding. It’s all about how you handle them. So, the next time you find yourself in a disagreement, take a deep breath, remember these tips, and steer your relationship ship towards calmer waters. And hey, if you’re looking for more insight on communication and relationships consider the “We Didn’t Have That Conversation” communication cards. They’re all about sparking those meaningful conversations and strengthening bonds. In the meantime, keep those communication lines open and remember, it’s all about love, respect, and understanding.

The Subtle Dance of Communication in Relationships

Today, let's dive into something that's both incredibly simple and complex at the same time – the nuances of communication in relationships.

 Have you ever thought about how communication is like a dance? It's a rhythm between two people, where sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, and occasionally, you might step on each other's toes. But when done right, it feels safe, peaceful, and enjoyable.

1. The Unspoken Language

First off, let's talk about non-verbal communication. It's not just about what we say, but how we say it. Your partner's body language, the tone of their voice, and even their silence speak volumes. Ever noticed how a simple hug can say more than a thousand words? That's the power of non-verbal cues.

2. Listening

Now, let's give a shoutout to listening – the unsung hero in our communication dance. Active listening isn't just about hearing words; it's about understanding the emotions and meanings behind them. It's about being fully present, respecting your partner enough to give them your undivided attention, and really getting where they're coming from.

3. Speaking Your Truth

Speaking your truth is vital. It's about being honest and open, but also about being aware of your “audience” and respectful. It's not what you say, but how you say it. Remember, it's not about winning an argument; it's about understanding each other and growing togethe

4. Navigating Communication Breakdowns

Let's face it, sometimes the dance gets messy. Misunderstandings happen, and that's okay. The key is not to avoid conflicts but to handle them constructively. Trying to avoid them means you are not addressing the issues and they worsen. It's about finding common ground and turning conflicts into opportunities for growth.

What to Do If You're Not Seeing Improvements??

You've tried, you've practiced, but somehow, you're not making the progress you hoped for in your communication. It's frustrating, but don't lose hope. Here's what you can do:

a. Reflect and Reassess

First, take a step back and reflect. Sometimes, we're so close to the issue that we can't see the whole picture. Ask yourself: Are there underlying issues that haven't been addressed? Sometimes, past hurts or deep-seated fears can block effective communication. It's like having a pebble in your shoe while trying to dance; you need to remove it to move smoothly.

b. Seek New Perspectives

It's okay to seek help. A relationship coach, counselor, or therapist can offer a fresh perspective and guide you through the complexities of communication. They can help identify patterns you might not see and offer strategies tailored to your unique relationship dynamics.

c. Embrace New Techniques

Sometimes, the methods you've been using just aren't the right fit for your relationship. It's like trying to waltz to a hip-hop beat – you need to find the right rhythm. Explore new communication techniques. For instance, try structured dialogues, where each person gets uninterrupted time to speak, or practice reflective listening, where you repeat back what you heard to ensure understanding.

d. Patience and Persistence

Remember, change takes time. It's a process, not an overnight miracle. Be patient with yourself and your partner. Celebrate small victories and understand that setbacks are part of the journey.

e. Rekindle the Connection

Sometimes, improving communication isn't just about talking; it's about reconnecting. Spend quality time together, engage in activities you both enjoy, and remember why you started this dance in the first place. Strengthening your bond can create a more supportive environment for communication.

It's a dance that requires patience, understanding, and a whole lot of love. But trust me, it's worth every step. Finally, remember that mastering the dance of communication is a journey, not a destination. It's about continuous learning, adapting, and growing individually and collectively. It's about building a deeper, more meaningful connection, one conversation at a time.

Redefining Balance: Aiming for Effective Life Management

Let's get one thing straight: the idea of a perfectly balanced life is a myth. As a licensed clinical professional counselor, I've seen firsthand that striving for 'balance' often leads to more frustration than fulfillment. Instead, let's talk about managing life effectively, which is a more realistic and achievable goal.

What Does Effective Life Management Look Like?

Effective life management is about creating a life filled with the resources and activities you value most, without feeling like you're constantly sacrificing one aspect for another. It's not about being the best in the world at something or living on the edge. It's for those of us who want to enjoy various aspects of life, rather than fixating on just one. 

Here are the key components of a life managed effectively:

1. Financial Stability: No, you don't need to be rolling in money, but financial stress can throw everything off-kilter. It's about having enough to meet your needs and fulfill some wants without constant worry.

2. Reliable Transportation: Whether it's your own car, public transit, or a good pair of walking shoes, being able to get where you need to go is crucial.

3. Social Connections: Whether it's one friend or ten, we all need someone in our corner. You can't tackle life solo.

4. Intimate Relationships: This varies for everyone. Some thrive with a partner, while others find fulfillment in other relationships. The key is not to neglect this aspect of your life.

5. Health and Well-being: A healthy mind and body are foundational. While we can't control everything health-wise, we often have more power than we realize.

6. Time Management: If your schedule leaves no room for what you love, it's time to reassess. Enough free time is not a luxury; it's a necessity.

7. Fun and Recreation: Life can't be all work and no play. What brings you joy? Make time for that.

8. Personal Growth: Progress brings satisfaction. Reflect on how you've grown recently – it's vital for a fulfilling life.

9. Career Satisfaction: It's not just about the paycheck. If your job drains you more than it fulfills you, it might be time to rethink.

So, Is Your Life Effectively Managed?

Ask yourself: Do you have the resources and time to care for yourself and your loved ones? Are you able to engage in activities that bring you joy? Do you feel like you're growing personally and professionally? If not, it's time to make some changes.

Remember, it's not about achieving a mythical balance. It's about managing your life in a way that aligns with your values and brings you satisfaction. As we often discuss in my coaching sessions, it's about making intentional choices that lead to a fulfilling life.

Breaking the Silence: Domestic Violence Awareness

October is not just about falling leaves and pumpkin spice; it's also a time to shed light on an issue
that often lurks in the shadows. Domestic Violence Awareness Month is an opportunity to have a
candid conversation about a topic close to my heart.

Understanding Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a problem that impacts individuals and families across the globe. It can take
many forms, including physical, emotional, financial, and psychological abuse. As someone
passionate about mental health and relationships, addressing this issue is a must.

1. Speaking Out
One of the most critical steps in combating domestic violence is breaking the silence. We must be
willing to talk about it. Victims often suffer in silence due to fear, shame, or the belief that they are
alone in their struggle. It's essential to let them know they're not alone and that there is help
available when they are ready.

2. Supportive Relationships
As a relationship coach, I've seen the transformative power of healthy relationships when people are
in need. Building a strong and safe support system is important. Being able to reach out to friends,
family, or professionals who can provide resources is very valuable.

3. Recognizing the Signs
Educating ourselves and others about the signs of domestic violence is a huge part of prevention.
These signs can include physical injuries, emotional distress, isolation from loved ones, and
controlling behavior by the abuser.

4. Empowering Survivors
Empowering survivors to regain control of their lives is a priority. This often involves therapy,
housing, and assistance with legal matters. As a licensed clinical professional counselor, I understand
the importance of providing survivors with the resources they need to heal.

5. Awareness and Prevention
Preventing domestic violence starts with awareness and education. It's a community effort, and as
you work on building healthy relationships in your community, consider collaborating with
organizations focused on domestic violence prevention.

6. Raising Your Voice
October is a month to raise your voice for those who cannot. Share information on social media,
participate in local events, and engage in conversations about domestic violence. The more we talk
about it, the more lives we can impact positively.

7. Supporting Organizations
Consider supporting organizations within your community that work tirelessly to help survivors of
domestic violence. Whether through donations or volunteering your time and skills, your
contribution can make a significant difference.

8. Prevention Starts Early
Education on healthy relationships should begin early, teaching young individuals the importance of
boundaries, respect, communication, and empathy. By fostering these values, we can help prevent
domestic violence in the future.

Closing Thoughts

As we observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let's remember that change starts with
awareness and action. We need to prioritize a world where domestic violence is no longer a hidden
epidemic. By speaking out, supporting survivors, and educating ourselves and others, we can be part
of the solution.
Remember, domestic violence is not just a personal matter; it's a health issue that affects us all.
Together, we can make a difference and help those affected find their path to healing and
empowerment.

Declutter Your Mind and Enjoy Inner Peace

No one has ever complained of having a mind that was too clear and peaceful. We’d all like to feel less cluttered and more peaceful and relaxed. That would be a good problem to have.

Decluttering your mind is largely the result of decluttering all aspects of your life.

We tend allow too many burdens to sit on our minds, but there is a more effective way to live. With a few simple tips, you can reduce the load on your mind and give it the peace it craves.

Try adding these techniques to help yourself take control of your life:

1. Release the challenging people in your life. I’m sure there are some people that take up a lot of space in your brain. Some of those people are optional in your life, and you might not even like them! Why are you keeping them around?

2. Remove unnecessary activities from your life. This could be committees you serve on, sports teams you play on, or going out on Thursday nights. Maybe you’re taking dance or music lessons but evaluate how much you’re enjoying it. If you cut some of these activities, you might give yourself the gift of time.

3. Declutter your environment. Your environment tends to reflect the state of your mind. Your inner peace is impacted by your environment. This includes your workspace, and anywhere else you spend a significant amount of time. Have you ever noticed how nice it feels when your home is clean? You can feel that way all of the time.

4. Meditate. Meditation might be the ultimate way to declutter your mind and enjoy inner peace. Meditation is very simple but challenging to do well. However, it is possible to experience many benefits from meditation even if you’re a beginner. Start with trying 15-20 minutes a day.

5. Write things down. Trying to remember EVERYTHING puts a huge load on your mind. You can never truly relax when you have to remember all the things. Write things down and use alarms. Knowing that something else will keep track of your obligations for you will allow your mind to relax.

6. Mono-task. Forget about multitasking. It is ineffective and actually creates stress. Limit yourself to one task at a time and block out that time, focus on that task. You will likely gain more time back at the end of the day. You’ll feel better and get much more accomplished.

7. Make fewer decisions. The fewer decisions you have to make each day, the more inner peace you’ll experience. Creating routines for your day-to-day life makes things easier. For example, your wardrobe can be set out early. Your breakfast can be planned as well as lunch and dinner if you meal prep.

8. Get more sleep. When your mind is cluttered, you lay there at night thinking of all the things you did not get done. If you know you need 7-8 hours of sleep; set a bedtime routine as well as a wake routine. Having an expectation of when you will begin your wind down may help prepare your mind to rest.

9. Limit your exposure to the news and social media. The news and social media will add to the clutter in your mind. While it is important to stay aware of what is happening in the world, you don’t have to bombard yourself with the negative information before resting. Intentionally take what you need and turn away from the rest.

Treat your mind like you would an injured body part. You would reduce the amount of work it has to do and treat it gently. Most of us ask our minds to do more than it should on a regular basis.

Intentionally give your mind a break and restore the peace you crave and need!

Five Tips to Create a Present Moment Mindset

Our lives have been so chaotic and busy, we are so focused on the past and the future that we tend to forget to simply be in the moment.

The present is happening right now! We take it for granted and don’t appreciate the smallest elements of life that make it powerful and special.

Have you ever considered training yourself to stop and be in the moment, finding inner peace and tranquility?

Try these tips to live more in the present moment:

1. Focus entirely on a specific moment. Stop everything you are doing and concentrate on one thing only. This allows you to ground yourself and completely clear your mind of everything but the present moment.

• For example, make a cup of coffee or tea and consider how it tastes when you drink it. Concentrate on how warm the cup feels in your hands. Consider the blend of flavors. What’s the temperature as it touches your lips?

• All goals, concerns, and objectives should leave your mind. By focusing on one moment, you will be able to appreciate and enjoy the simpler things in life. You’ll feel calmer, more at peace.

2. Turn off your phone. Screens are an important part of our lives. But we are constantly going down the rabbit hole of our emails or social media. Take some disconnect from your phone or tablet.

• Disconnecting for a short time will allow you to focus on what you’re doing in the present moment. Pay more attention to the people, places or things around you. Engage in discussion, focusing on nothing but the conversation or the activity.

3. Go for a walk. A walk is one of the best ways to achieve a present moment mindset. It allows you to clear your head of unnecessary or intrusive thoughts and concerns for a short time.

• As you walk, consider where you are. Appreciate how the ground feels beneath you and what the temperature of the air might be. Pay attention to your breathing, the movement of your body and the cadence of your steps.

• Think about the sounds of nature and isolate all other distractions. This will allow tranquil, calming thoughts to fill your mind as you enjoy being outside and concerning yourself only with what is around you.

4. Consider what you appreciate in the present moment. Tap into gratitude. Take some time out to write, think about, or even record a list of things you appreciate.

• For example, you might appreciate your family, friends, your job, or your house. Did you get to eat a meal today?

• Think about what brings you joy in the present moment and this will allow you to feel a sense of positivity, warmth, and excitement.

5. Consider your senses. We take our senses for granted. Smell, taste, hearing, touch, and sight allow us to experience the joys of life. They are so powerful and important and yet many of us don’t take the time to appreciate them.

• Allow yourself to clear your mind, thinking of nothing but how your body and senses are responding to the world around you. Be mindful of your energy. This will allow you to be present in the moment, to fully experience that moment.

By taking some time out of your day to fully be present, you will find yourself happier,calmer, and more grateful for the smaller parts of life. We could all gain something from taking a moment to stop, think, and enjoy every second of our day.

Be You Be True

Authenticity is underrated. It’s more than being honest with the world. It’s about being honest with yourself. When you allow yourself to be yourself, you’ll no longer feel the need to change your words and actions to impress others.

Before you can be authentic, you must know or begin to discover who YOU really are. What are your values, beliefs, and goals? Authenticity becomes possible when you know what’s important to you.

Here are some ways to remove your mask, embrace your authenticity, and present yourself honestly:

Give up the need to appear perfect. 

Excellent is good enough. When you aren’t wasting your energy attempting to appear perfect, you’re in the position to be honest. No one can be perfect and honest at the same time. Avoid putting on a show for the rest of the world. You’ll only feel bad about yourself later.

Know your values and live by them. 

If you know your values and live by them consistently, you’re already aiding in maintaining your authenticity.

Make a list of your values and determine the five that are most important to you. Are you living your life according to these values? Would it be obvious to others that you hold these values?
Decide to make your decisions based upon your values. Be willing to share your values with others.

Notice when you’re not being authentic.

 This is the moment when you feel like putting your metaphorical “mask”on. You might find yourself transforming based on the situation you are in or the people you are around. Are you being authentic or pretending to be someone you’re not?

Take note of those times your authenticity starts to wane

Know your goals. 

What do you want out of life? Do you know? Are you willing to let others know? By knowing your goals, you can you live your life accordingly.

Make a list of your short-term and long-term goals. 

How well do they align with your values?

What are your defining characteristics? 

This questions begins to answer “Who am I, really?” 

Now ask yourself if a casual acquaintance would describe you the same way? How about someone that knows you well? How about your closest friend?

If there aren’t many people whose idea of you matches up with your idea of you, ask yourself why. If you’re living authentically, it should be easy for someone to develop an accurate opinion of you.

Tell the truth. 

If you’re being authentic, why would you need to lie? 

This pertains especially to anything you say about yourself. Admit your mistakes, weaknesses, and frailties. Share your opinions honestly and freely.

Simplify your life. 

Get rid of everything that’s extraneous. What you choose to keep will be representative of your preferences and your true self. Find your true essence by stripping away the non-essential. 

Start with the clothes you never wear, the things you never use, and the activities you don’t enjoy. Only keep the things that mean the most to you.

Do what you say you’ll do. 

Keep your word and follow through on your promises. You’ll feel more congruent, and others will view you as more congruent. When your words and actions match, you’re demonstrating authenticity.

Life becomes easier when you’re living authentically. You’ll no longer feel the exhaustion that comes with constantly changing your opinions, attitudes, and personality to please others. You’ll no longer feel the need to protect yourself from others. Be authentic with your thoughts, words, and actions. Invest the time in yourself and learn to be free.