Be You Be True

Authenticity is underrated. It’s more than being honest with the world. It’s about being honest with yourself. When you allow yourself to be yourself, you’ll no longer feel the need to change your words and actions to impress others.

Before you can be authentic, you must know or begin to discover who YOU really are. What are your values, beliefs, and goals? Authenticity becomes possible when you know what’s important to you.

Here are some ways to remove your mask, embrace your authenticity, and present yourself honestly:

Give up the need to appear perfect. 

Excellent is good enough. When you aren’t wasting your energy attempting to appear perfect, you’re in the position to be honest. No one can be perfect and honest at the same time. Avoid putting on a show for the rest of the world. You’ll only feel bad about yourself later.

Know your values and live by them. 

If you know your values and live by them consistently, you’re already aiding in maintaining your authenticity.

Make a list of your values and determine the five that are most important to you. Are you living your life according to these values? Would it be obvious to others that you hold these values?
Decide to make your decisions based upon your values. Be willing to share your values with others.

Notice when you’re not being authentic.

 This is the moment when you feel like putting your metaphorical “mask”on. You might find yourself transforming based on the situation you are in or the people you are around. Are you being authentic or pretending to be someone you’re not?

Take note of those times your authenticity starts to wane

Know your goals. 

What do you want out of life? Do you know? Are you willing to let others know? By knowing your goals, you can you live your life accordingly.

Make a list of your short-term and long-term goals. 

How well do they align with your values?

What are your defining characteristics? 

This questions begins to answer “Who am I, really?” 

Now ask yourself if a casual acquaintance would describe you the same way? How about someone that knows you well? How about your closest friend?

If there aren’t many people whose idea of you matches up with your idea of you, ask yourself why. If you’re living authentically, it should be easy for someone to develop an accurate opinion of you.

Tell the truth. 

If you’re being authentic, why would you need to lie? 

This pertains especially to anything you say about yourself. Admit your mistakes, weaknesses, and frailties. Share your opinions honestly and freely.

Simplify your life. 

Get rid of everything that’s extraneous. What you choose to keep will be representative of your preferences and your true self. Find your true essence by stripping away the non-essential. 

Start with the clothes you never wear, the things you never use, and the activities you don’t enjoy. Only keep the things that mean the most to you.

Do what you say you’ll do. 

Keep your word and follow through on your promises. You’ll feel more congruent, and others will view you as more congruent. When your words and actions match, you’re demonstrating authenticity.

Life becomes easier when you’re living authentically. You’ll no longer feel the exhaustion that comes with constantly changing your opinions, attitudes, and personality to please others. You’ll no longer feel the need to protect yourself from others. Be authentic with your thoughts, words, and actions. Invest the time in yourself and learn to be free.

I Nourish My Body, Mind, and Spirit.

We tend to forget that our wellbeing, physical, mental, and spiritual, should be at the forefront of our minds.

We use healthy food and water to nourish our bodies, knowledge and information to feed our minds, and love for ourselves, for others, and the things we enjoy to uplift our spirits. 

Use these “I” affirmations to pursue your well-being on a daily basis.

“I use everything this universe offers to be strong. 

I use what is necessary to sustain and maintain my health and body. 

I cherish myself, so nourishment is important. It keeps me alive and strong. It helps me accomplish great things and help others. 

The nourishment I pick keeps the cells in my body healthy and the thoughts in my mind positive. 

I practice self-care because it is also part of my nourishment. I do what I can to take care of myself each day. 

I laugh and look for joy. I sing and enjoy music. I spend time with friends. I look for opportunities to expand my worldview. I seek out new information to make my mind stronger. 

Today, I use many tools and methods to nourish myself. From a healthy diet to keep my body strong to prayer to strengthen my faith, I discover tools each day that enhance my life as I give my mind, body, and spirit what they crave.”

It is okay to not be sure of what you need, but that is when you must have a conversation with yourself.

Ask yourself…

1. How can I take time for myself and still find time to help others?

2. What are the best things to nourish my body, mind and spirit?

3. Where can I find nourishment for my brain?

7 Ways to Enhance Your Communication With Your Partner

Relationships are often easy in the beginning. However, the fun of a new passionate experience tends to wane over time. Not to say your relationship will lose its passion, but as we settle into a long relationship a new dynamic is developed that is not reliant on puppy-love phase.

This is when communication becomes an imperative part of the relationship. Communication maintains and builds closeness. It also helps to avoid many of the misunderstandings and avoidable drama that plague many relationships. If the communication with your partner is poor, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship greatly suffers. The best time to begin working on your communication with your partner is before you need it.

Use these strategies to enhance your relationship by enhancing your communication:

1. Ask more questions. Questions are a powerful communication tool. They accomplish so much with so little effort.
   

   Questions show interest. By asking a question, you’re implying that you care. People like it when you demonstrate that you care.
   

   Questions help to remove confusion and ambiguity. Rather than make assumptions and potentially create a bigger issue, just ask a question and verify what is happening.
   

   Questions aren’t a lot of work. Just ask the question, be quiet, and listen. You can be quite the skilled conversationalist just by asking a couple of good questions. Asking good questions can make all of your relationships more rewarding.
   

2. Listen. Half of communication is listening. When it’s your partner’s turn to talk, listen. Most people don’t really listen. All they want to do is speak. Listening is often seen as simply waiting for another opportunity to talk, but this is a huge mistake. People are well aware whether you’re listening or just biding your time.
   

3. Communicate your needs. Don’t make it difficult for your partner to know what you need from them. Tell them! There’s no reason to make it a secret. Make it easy for others to help you and to make you happy.
   

   Communicating your needs is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship.

4. Spend more time together. It’s important to share some of the same experiences. It helps you to learn more about each other and gives you something to talk about. Shared experiences provide the opportunity for better bonding. What are some things that you both like to do?
   

5. Avoid assumptions. Assumptions unnecessarily create additional challenges in all relationships. It’s easier to be 100% certain than to guess. Assumptions lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you’re not sure about something, ask.
   

6. Address the situation rather than attack your partner. If your partner is doing something you don’t like, address what they are doing. This is much more effective than attacking your partner. No one likes to be attacked. It shuts down communication and creates animosity.
   

7. Have fun together. Do fun activities together. Do things together that are enjoyable. Communication is easier when everyone is having a good time. You’ll like each other more if you can have fun with each other. If all the time you spend together is miserable, your relationship and your communication will suffer.
   

Better communication with our partners is something that we know we need, but it’s not always obvious how to accomplish it.

Fortunately, the basics are easy to accomplish. Spend more meaningful time together, focus on being an excellent listener, and communicate your needs. These simple steps can enhance your relationship significantly.

A meaningful relationship is worth the effort. Make your communication with your partner a priority.

Invisible Illness

This month we focused on giving a voice to those with invisible illness. People with diseases that do not alert others that a person is struggling physically to carry out daily living activities, social activities, and professional goals. These issues are typically managed in the privacy of the home, in isolation, but the impact it has on interpersonal relationships is unmeasurable. The level of support a person with an invisible illness requires often falls flat. The isolation is a byproduct of trying to provide self-care which is mostly misunderstood. The cancelled events and the miscommunicated non-verbal and seeming disengagements are often offensive to others. This can be overwhelmingly frustrating to significant others, friends, and family.

Those suffering in silence get it.

Invisible illnesses are not only physical but mental as well. Most of the time the people you interact with throughout your day may be struggling with mental health crises all the time. You don’t know because their medication helps them “appear normal” or they have just learned how to present themselves to seem “fine”. Normal works for society. Normal helps reduce the questions. Normal benefits others, but trying to keep it all steady is a feat for the ailed person. The fear of being labeled, judged, exiled, and watched is unnerving. Taking medication to show up “normal” for others is tiring and can wreak more havoc than the illness itself.

Communication can help heal the misunderstandings. We all have an opportunity to be compassionate, understanding, and forgiving because we haven’t a clue what another person may be experiencing. We do not know what they had to endure to show up for work, to participate in a meeting, to teach a class, to take your order, to fix your cable, or even to leave the house.

Everyone deserves an advocate and today serves as a reminder to those without the trouble of living with an invisible illnesses that the only thing requested is grace. Grace for those that despite what you see, are coming out of a storm or preparing themselves for the next crisis.

The Psychology of Procrastination

The Psychology of Procrastination

We have all experienced the pit in our stomach whilst scrambling at the last minute to meet a deadline, attempting to compress a whole semester’s worth of studying into a single night, or the agony of putting off doing laundry until you realize you have no clean clothes, all thanks to procrastination.

What are the inner workings behind why people procrastinate? Psychology explains what cogs and gears are turning in the minds of procrastinators. Let’s look.

The Psychological Factors Behind Procrastination

Studies show that various factors cause procrastination. These factors are why procrastinators may know their behaviors yet can’t change them.

A lack of structure. Organizing your tasks while taking your habits and behaviors into account is a skill. One a procrastinator lacks. Those who can order their past, present, and future activities can manage their time well. When a person cannot do so, they cannot plan the actions they must dedicate time to. They can’t devote the time required to complete an activity. As a result, they lose focus and postpone tasks they must complete. When you build a habit of delaying tasks, you become a procrastinator.

Anxiety and fear. The tasks we have to perform can be challenging when you can’t see the top of the mountain of clothes that need washing. Confess, and it makes you feel uneasy. Fear of the results of our work or the journey necessary to achieve a task can paralyze a person. It results in an inability to complete a task and, as a result, procrastination.

Lack of motivation. Some call motivation the driving force behind accomplishing what needs doing. Motivation might come from the outside or from within. Internal motivation is a crucial psychological factor. It helps decide whether a person can act to complete a task. We all yearn for fulfillment and pleasure. It means that if a task may benefit us in this way, we’ll want to do it. Likewise, if completing work does not provide us with any rewards, we will not want to do it. Disliking a task results in a lack of motivation. When this happens, the chances of deferring work on a task are great. That’s saying we procrastinate.

Perfectionism. Holding up a weighty object isn’t easy. The pressure exerted by the object makes it difficult even to move. That’s the strain that perfectionism puts on individuals who suffer from it. Perfectionists have such high expectations of themselves. Yet, it may not always be possible to complete a task to such a high-quality standard. Instead of settling for their best, a perfectionist won’t. They may not bear the thought of failing to meet their high expectations. So as not to “fail” at whatever task they need to complete, perfectionists postpone actual work on the task. Instead, they spend their time musing on how to best complete the task to meet the high standards. It makes perfectionism a relevant and proven psychological factor for why people procrastinate.

We’ve discussed some of the “whys” behind procrastination. Gaining knowledge of this is a step forward in overcoming this self-defeating habit. As you do, you find that you’re happier, living a life with less effort, less pain, and less difficulty.

Calm Your Mental Chatter

Have you ever felt frustrated with the amount of thoughts that your mind is throwing at you, especially when you’re already feeling stressed or overwhelmed?. That internal noise never seems to stop. This can be distracting at best. At worst, it can undermine your confidence and optimism. While it isn’t possible to stop your mental chatter completely, there is plenty that you can do to tame it.

Keep these techniques in mind when you need an escape from your mental chatter:

1. Try using 5-4-3-2-1. When the noise in your head won’t seem to stop, try 5-4-3-2-1. This little exercise will get you out of your head and focused on your environment.
   Look around your environment and describe five things you see. It’s easy to find five things you see, but the remainder of the exercise is a little more challenging.
   

   • Describe four things you hear. “In the distance, I can hear car horns honking.” Really focus your attention on the noises you can hear and fully experience them.

   • Describe three things you feel. It could be the cool breeze blowing over your skin, the firm chair underneath you, or the pain in your elbow.

   • Describe two things you smell. You might have to really concentrate to come up with two.

   • Tell yourself one thing you like about yourself. By the time you’ve finished all five parts of this exercise, your focus will be in the present instead of on the noise in your head.

2. Meditate. Meditation creates a lot of opportunities for dealing with mental noise, because there’s nothing to distract you from it. Learn how to meditate and spend some time each day meditating to calm your mind.

3. Write it out. Set aside time each day to write down the things you’re randomly thinking. It’s very cathartic and really works if you give it a chance. After 10-20 minutes, take the paper you’ve been writing on and destroy it.

4. Use affirmations. Affirmations can improve your life. They also crowd out the noise. When the noise starts, use an affirmation to keep your mind occupied on thoughts that you want.
   -Have a list of affirmations ready to go. Pick one and use it when necessary.

5. Focus on your breathing. Put your attention on your breathing. This is convenient, because it’s always available to you.

6. Listen to music. Playing music in the background while you work can help to keep in the internal voices at bay. Be careful that you don’t listen to something so distracting that you can’t concentrate on whatever it is that you’re doing. This might take some experimentation and practice.

Your brain creates thoughts. That’s what it’s designed to do. But there are solutions you can employ to reduce the noise. Attempting to eliminate your internal voice is a waste of time, but you can greatly reduce the noise and avoid engaging with it. Practice these methods to reduce or prevent an overabundance of thoughts that you don’t want.

Spring Clean Your Mind

Spring. The time when the flowers bloom, the sun starts to shine bigger and brighter, and you make room to clean up your home, get rid of the old, and make room for the new. We all know this as “spring cleaning” but I want to challenge you and ask this: do you clean everything when you spring clean? Do you spring clean your mind and make room for the best version of you? Spring cleaning doesn’t just apply to those old shoes in the back of your closet; it also applies to those internal things that you are still holding on to. It applies to those relationships that ended poorly, that venture that did not turn out the way you thought it would, and it applies to those thoughts that hold you captive to becoming the best version of yourself. 

As you look forward to the new season, I want to encourage you to spring clean your mind. Start with writing everything down, and in specific I want you to focus on the things that have consumed your mind from the last six months. After you journal down the things that you have thought about, ask yourself the following questions:

What is this thing that I am holding on to?

Why am I holding on to it?

How does this thing affect what I think and believe about myself?

If I let go of this thing today, how would I feel?

As you answer these questions, I want you to dig deep, and I mean really deep. Dig into those parts that answer those questions truly and honestly. Allow yourself to be open and honest to your answers to the questions, and then release them. Throw the paper in the trash, burn the piece of paper in a safe way, or rip the paper apart as a simple exercise to show the strength and courage that you have over those things that have been consuming your mind. As you release those things into the world, allow new thoughts of positivity and newness to enter you, so that you can accept the new thoughts that consume you. Make room for those new things to fill you internally so that you can receive the external newness in your life. Practice this for at least 3 days, and challenge yourself to make this a habit throughout the year as you assess who you are, what you want, and how you are working to become the best version of yourself. 

If you are having trouble uncovering some things in your life, or need some help spring cleaning your mind, click here to book a session with us, and let’s clean up together. 

A Healthy Relationship Should Look Like This

As human beings, we all desire relationships. There have been numerous studies and theories on relationships that show a positive correlation between relationships and happiness, and we as people report that relationships are the best parts of our lives. This can be seen in friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships, and work relationships, as these are the most common that we encounter on a daily basis. However, as you begin to form relationships, it is important that we recognize if they are healthy for your well-being. 

Sometimes, people will form a bond or a relationship from an unhealthy trait or habit, and this leads to toxic relationships. This is what we do not recommend you do, as these relationships tend to have a harsher than expected end, or they leave you with thoughts of low self-esteem, unhealthy views of relationships, or a combination of these. This is why we want to talk to you about the components of healthy relationships that are important to keep at the forefront of all of the relationships you have. 

Open communication is one of the most important components of a relationship. This is because we get to understand other people through communication. Communication includes speaking, but more importantly listening, and not just using the ability of your ears, but actively listening to the other person. Take heed to what they are saying about their likes, dislikes, preferences, boundaries, and more because this will allow them to express their true feelings and outlook on life. This way, you can learn to accept the real them, and they can accept the real you. Communication breaks down all falsities of who you think the other person is and allows you to both see each other and form a true and honest relationship. 

The next important component of a healthy relationship is honesty and trust. Honesty and trust go a long way within any relationship because they are the confidence that you build with one another. Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something, and that is exactly what the relationship must stand upon. Trust allows you to place confidence in the person that you are in a relationship with and leaves no room for doubt or insecurity. Trust is also something that must continue to build on a regular basis in order for the relationship to last. 

The last component of a healthy relationship that we want to share is effort. Relationships require both people to place optimal effort in order for the relationship to grow. Effort can look like giving words of affirmation, doing acts of service, giving or receiving a gift, spending quality time, or physical touch. These are popularly coined as “love languages,” and we like this term because relationships require a level of effort that makes sense to the people in the relationship. This may look different for each relationship that you have, but once you establish what works for you and the other person, stick to it. Each person that puts in the effort will then feel as though they are being treated fairly in the relationship, which is healthy for both parties. 

There are so many more components to a healthy relationship, and we want to help you dive into what that looks like for your life. Click here to book a session with us, and let’s get you started on the journey to forming healthy long-term relationships. 

The Importance of Reflection

A new year means there is an opportunity to reflect on the past year and look forward to what is to come. Now, I don’t want you to think that this is a time for “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” thoughts. Rather, I want you to utilize the month of January as a way to see what you have accomplished, what you are looking forward to achieving, and how you are going to prioritize your well-being.

Reflections are important because they allow you to stop and take a moment to pivot from the day-to-day that we so often get caught up in. You can reflect by taking out a journal and separating your paper into three sections. At the top of the first section, write “Start,” in the middle section of the page, write “Resume,” and finally, at the top of the final section, write “Stop.” These sections are a good catalyst for three things to reflect on. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. What do I need to start doing this year?

2. What do I need to resume doing this year?

3. What do I need to stop doing this year?

Be honest with yourself when answering these questions in your journal, and write your answers to these questions. This will allow you to see the good habits that you have developed, the goals that you want to achieve this year, and create boundaries for yourself in order to stop doing specific things. In order to grow into the best version of yourself, you have to begin by being honest. Once the window of honesty is opened, the possibilities are endless because you are able to look at things with a clear and open view. 

So, don’t be afraid to start the year off with a little bit of reflection. It will help the rest of your year align in the way that it should go. I highly recommend that you implement monthly or quarterly reflection periods, so that you create a habit of looking at the glass half full, seeing where you can grow, and then becoming who you are meant to be. 

Happy New Year!

Fighting An Invisible Disease

At times life can be difficult, and I mean really difficult. Trials and tribulations of life can make us question our purpose, where our life is going, and cause us to face what is coined “invisible disease.” An invisible disease is a sickness that cannot be seen at first glance by the human eye, but it infects and affects our mental state of mind. In fact, if an invisible disease is not treated, it can lead to very detrimental results. 

Some examples of invisible diseases can include depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, PTSD and more. All of these diseases have different root causes, and have to be handled in a special way. So the question becomes, what do you do about the illness inside of you that no one knows about? What do you do when you feel like you can’t heal or work through your invisible illness? How can you take care of yourself as you are fighting to get better? This is no easy feat, but when you proactively make the choice to fight against an invisible disease, you will win. Your healing towards better health and wellness is important to your livelihood, which is why we recommend doing these things in your daily life. 

1. Journal and reflect on the thoughts that you have towards your invisible disease. Holding everything in is not good for your psyche, because it can cause an eruption, similar to a volcano. Instead, make it a habit to release how you feel by writing it down. This will allow you to organize your thoughts and get clarity on where this disease came from, and how to directly handle the root of the issue. Journaling also gives your brain a break from the built up stress, and studies have shown that expressive writing can lower blood pressure and improve liver functionality. 

2. Speak to yourself in a positive manner. This retrains your brain to think positive thoughts about yourself, and it allows your body to release dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter in the brain that helps you feel good or pleasurable. The more that you practice positive speaking, the more likely your brain is to release positive feelings about yourself. This not only affects your brain, but it trickles down to your self-esteem, your relationship with yourself, and your overall outlook on life. 

3. Eat well and get plenty of sleep. Believe it or not, our mental health is highly affected by the things we put in our bodies, and how we psychically take care of our bodies. This is why it is so important to sleep for at least 7-9 hours, drink water regularly, and avoid drinking and smoking. What we put in our bodies affects our brain and bodily function, so transitioning to a healthier lifestyle can also help with fighting an invisible disease. 

This is only a short list of tips that help to fight the invisible diseases that life may bring us. Just like a medical disease, we don’t know when or how an invisible disease will come, but the key is recognizing that we need to heal, and taking the necessary steps to do so. Healing can come in so many forms, but once you make the commitment to be well, things will fall into place as you do the work.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with an invisible disease, please contact us for additional tips that you can use to heal. Or click here to book a session with one of our licensed professionals, who are ready to see you get well.