A Healthy Relationship Should Look Like This

As human beings, we all desire relationships. There have been numerous studies and theories on relationships that show a positive correlation between relationships and happiness, and we as people report that relationships are the best parts of our lives. This can be seen in friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships, and work relationships, as these are the most common that we encounter on a daily basis. However, as you begin to form relationships, it is important that we recognize if they are healthy for your well-being. 

Sometimes, people will form a bond or a relationship from an unhealthy trait or habit, and this leads to toxic relationships. This is what we do not recommend you do, as these relationships tend to have a harsher than expected end, or they leave you with thoughts of low self-esteem, unhealthy views of relationships, or a combination of these. This is why we want to talk to you about the components of healthy relationships that are important to keep at the forefront of all of the relationships you have. 

Open communication is one of the most important components of a relationship. This is because we get to understand other people through communication. Communication includes speaking, but more importantly listening, and not just using the ability of your ears, but actively listening to the other person. Take heed to what they are saying about their likes, dislikes, preferences, boundaries, and more because this will allow them to express their true feelings and outlook on life. This way, you can learn to accept the real them, and they can accept the real you. Communication breaks down all falsities of who you think the other person is and allows you to both see each other and form a true and honest relationship. 

The next important component of a healthy relationship is honesty and trust. Honesty and trust go a long way within any relationship because they are the confidence that you build with one another. Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something, and that is exactly what the relationship must stand upon. Trust allows you to place confidence in the person that you are in a relationship with and leaves no room for doubt or insecurity. Trust is also something that must continue to build on a regular basis in order for the relationship to last. 

The last component of a healthy relationship that we want to share is effort. Relationships require both people to place optimal effort in order for the relationship to grow. Effort can look like giving words of affirmation, doing acts of service, giving or receiving a gift, spending quality time, or physical touch. These are popularly coined as “love languages,” and we like this term because relationships require a level of effort that makes sense to the people in the relationship. This may look different for each relationship that you have, but once you establish what works for you and the other person, stick to it. Each person that puts in the effort will then feel as though they are being treated fairly in the relationship, which is healthy for both parties. 

There are so many more components to a healthy relationship, and we want to help you dive into what that looks like for your life. Click here to book a session with us, and let’s get you started on the journey to forming healthy long-term relationships. 

You Have To Focus On You

Healing is a word that can mean many different things to many different people. Going through the healing process, or calling yourself healed after a traumatic event or circumstance proves that life is an ever-changing journey, filled with seasons that we cannot predict. But, how does one heal? 

How does one self-heal?

Self-healing is the process of recovery that is motivated by and directed by a person that is often guided by instinct. Our nature allows us to be protective to ourselves and our surroundings, so self-healing is your mental response to the very core of who you are. As you are intentionally creating a space for yourself to heal, it is important to place habits in your life that take up time in order to shift your energy level, your mood, and thus cause self-healing to occur. 

You may be thinking, why is it important to heal? Well, let me be the first to say that healing is a continuous process that is important to your overall health and wellness. Not only does unhealed trauma have an effect on your mind, it can also have long-term effects on your body. In order to live life in a fulfilled way, self-healing must be a part of each season in our lives. 

Just remember, it starts with the mind-shift that must take place and the implementing habits that can support your healing.

Here are 5 ways that you can practice self-healing on a regular basis.

1. Meditate. Take 5 minutes out of your day to center yourself. Play sounds of nature, and be one with yourself. Close your eyes and focus on nothing but the sounds of nature. 

2. Breathe Intentionally. Feel each and every breath that goes in your nose and out of your mouth. You can also combine this technique with meditating for a more focused experience.

3. Eat well. Eating well not only improves the physical condition of the body, it provides you with greater energy throughout the day and gives your brain the nutrients that it needs. 

4. Rest- Sleep is the most important because your body needs to rest itself to heal and get stronger. Aim for at least 7 hours of sleep.

5. Yoga. This is a great way to move your body while also practicing a state of calmness. Whether it is a group class or a solo virtual session, yoga helps you to relax, center you and lessen distress.

If you are struggling with healing in your life, schedule a call to chat with one of our therapists.  Click here to book a session with one of our licensed professionals, who are ready to see you get well. We are ready to support you in your journey to healing.

Why Coping Skills Are Important

What are they? Why are they so important? Where do I get them? These are all valid questions when you’re asked, “what are you doing to cope?”. It would be great if we had a laundry list of healthy coping skills on hand, but the truth is we learn by watching how others cope. 

It never occurred to me when growing up that some behaviors I observed were people “coping”. Coping with “life happening”, things they could not control and issues that had become chronic and just wanted to escape. What they were trying to escape was never obvious but seeing the relief a person had when they got that puff from a cigarette was a sign. Over time hearing statements like “I need a drink” or “I like being high because I’m calmer” were evident that some of this must be learned too. People are not just creating these vices, some of them are taught. They were being taught how to cope with whatever life throws at them from watching those around them and assuming that is works or that’s what everyone does. 

There are many but some of the most common coping vices are drugs, alcohol, sex, food, shopping, smoking cigarettes and even WORKING! Unfortunately, as most of us have experienced; they don’t work for long and they often become bad habits that do more harm than good. This is where drug addiction, hypersexuality, overeating (and food restrictions), “retail therapy” become problematic. We must be honest with ourselves; they do not help. There has to be a limit to all things. Even those working long hours, working out or just scrolling social media have to be careful. Too much of anything has a point where it starts as a “mental getaway” and ends with a barrage of negative thoughts, emotions and burn out. It’s understandable that if we are not careful, the very thing that was supposed to help becomes uncontrollable. The purpose of coping tools is to help alleviate tension, change perspective (or emotions) and give a mental break from racing thoughts or overthinking an issue. 

A review of current coping tools/vices are reviewed often in therapy sessions. We identify a way to measure the reduction of poor coping tools and the increase of healthier ones. The goal is to change the scales and balance what you can. There has to be a truth moment with yourself about how you are dealing with your stressors, poorly managed relationships and issues that are not within your control. Coping tools are important because they help us do just that – cope – deal with things. 

Things like mindfulness that helps you tap into your awareness and consciousness so that your response to issues are aligned. There are several ways to meditate so research them and see what may be helpful for you. Coloring, gardening, reading a new book, writing your thoughts (journaling), blowing up balloons, painting or even singing can be helpful. The thing that tends to throw people off about coping skills is the need for them to be done often and even better in a routine. It’s unrealistic to believe that when you are “in need” that these coping tools will occur to you. At that point the coping skill cannot match the intense feelings you are experiencing. You will likely become frustrated and convince yourself that they do not work. If you are consistent and aware of what each coping tool does for you – you can create a long list of coping skills for yourself that you only need to adjust at times of high anxiety, stress or frustration. As you slowly eliminate the old habits, you will eventually replace them with some that are much healthier.  

The bottom line is if what you are doing is no longer healthy and helpful, you need to explore more. Most things work when used appropriately and become second nature. Engaging in therapy is not always about your past but this where together we identify the source of some poor habits and reveal what you need today.   

A Time to Fly Even When Afraid

What does fear do to you and for you? What have you allowed it to keep from you? When did you stop fighting it and give in to it? 

So many people ask me how I knew it was time for me to leave my job or how I knew entrepreneurship was for me. They ask, “weren’t you afraid?”. My answer is “ABSOLUTELY!!”

Entrepreneurship was not new to me but the idea of opening my own practice was different. Before becoming a therapist, I was a realtor and although I loved sales and the freedom that came along with it, I wanted to do something else where I could impact lives from a different angle. 

After finishing my counseling program and having various jobs within the mental health industry I toyed around with the idea, but literally had it in the same framework as real estate, thinking, no biggie! Boy was I wrong. I had many reasons why I thought having my own practice really wouldn’t fit my lifestyle. I didn’t want to be responsible for people. I didn’t want to be the face of something else and I didn’t want to have to compete for clients. I was trying to force myself to be like everyone else…working at a large company where I could depend on a check, had PTO, a pension coming and a very nice salary. I was good!

Then it happened. I had an urge. Those darn urges! Thinking “here we go again”. That urge to do something more, something that fit my purpose. So, I asked myself, what would it look like to have a practice? I started having more conversations with others that seemed to make it look easy. These conversations were making me nervous because I kept thinking “I don’t want to do all of that”. Here I was thinking that my response to others came out of my past experiences being an independent contractor as a realtor but what really framed my responses was fear. Fear of putting myself out there, fear of failing, fear of being successful, fear of it not being perfect. 

I toiled a long time about this. Let me say that correctly - I let fear keep me from starting my own practice for over a year. I had many sleepless nights, I found myself talking to anyone I could about how to avoid pitfalls so I could make it “perfect”. I feared taking my family into a financial crisis, I feared I would be seen as selfish for letting go of “safeguards” at a large company to “swim with sharks” on my own. Fear had me messed up!

Then I had a conversation with an old friend from high school that I hadn’t seen or talked since we graduated high school. He said “choose. Stop teetering and choose”. As afraid as I was, I chose! The fear of never knowing who I could become weighed much more than the fear of leaving a job that I could likely go back to if I needed. I was scared then of failing and I’m afraid today of failing but I keep getting up every day doing it anyway. I do it knowing life could happen and I will adjust when needed. I learned that I’m capable of standing up to my fears. I love what I do, and I encourage all those that come with fear to stare it in the face and choose themselves. The worst that could happen is you have to adjust but choose you and be bold enough to do it over and over and over again. 

Adopt These 3 Habits Today To Beat Stress, Anxiety and Depression

Whether you have intermittent bouts of stress, anxiety and depression or it’s a chronic problem, you can change. When you adopt positive habits, they can have a powerful effect on many areas of your life. Let’s take a look at three habits you can adopt today to ease stress, anxiety and depression.

Move your body. Our bodies were not meant to be stationary, sitting on the couch or at a desk all day long. Your body was designed to move. When you move your body you release hormones and activate systems that keep you both physically and mentally/emotionally healthy.

Movement helps not only alleviate stress and anxiety, it helps your body manage it better. It can be compared to vitamin C or zinc for avoiding or reducing the symptoms of the common cold. Movement helps you reduce the symptoms or avoid, stress, depression and anxiety.

What do we mean by movement? Just that, walk, dance, swim, run, do yoga or stretch. It doesn’t matter so much what you do. What matters is that you move your body. A common rule of thumb is to take 10,000 steps a day and/or exercise for 30 minutes.

Moderate exercise is often the easiest to adapt into your current lifestyle. You can walk for 30 minutes, do yoga, jog, swim, dance, and box – whatever you desire. Find something you enjoy and get your amazing body moving like it was designed to.

Quiet your mind. Meditation is the simplest way to quiet your mind. And the wonderful thing about meditation is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. You can walk and meditate. You can sit and meditate.

You can focus on your breathing. You can visualize a scene that makes you feel relaxed. The goal is to simply quiet your mind. To learn to clear away unconscious thoughts. Once you can learn how to control your thoughts and quiet your mind, you can instantly have a better reaction to stress and anxiety. It changes your mindset.

How long should you quiet your mind? When creating a new habit, it’s best to start small. Create a habit you absolutely know you can stick to. Start with 5 minutes of meditation. Add it to the beginning or end of your day, whichever is easiest.

Fuel your body. Your body needs a variety of nutrients and vitamins to help it run optimally. When you fuel your body well, you’re better able to manage stress and you’re simply going to feel better. Depression and anxiety don’t stand a chance. When you put harmful things into your body like too much alcohol, caffeine, sugar and nicotine then your body becomes stressed and it cannot manage the things life throws at you.

Take a multi-vitamin. Cut back on alcohol, caffeine and sugar. And add a serving of fruits or veggies to each meal and snack. This is an easy way to make sure you’re giving your body the nutrients it needs to function well.

Experts say that it takes three weeks to adopt a new habit. These three stress, anxiety and depression reducing habits are simple to adopt. The tough part is committing to them for those first three weeks. You can do it! Your body and your future are depending on you.

6 Ways You Can Help Reduce The Mental Health Stigma

The stigma for mental health clients continues to negatively impact communities of all kinds. The taboo of being mentally unwell crosses all socioeconomic levels, age groups, races, religions and professions. Similar to a physical health diagnosis; some people simply do not want to know, they are ashamed or in denial of their symptoms and self medicate. Whether you are the potential client or close to the potential client I believe the general consensus is, having a mental health crisis can be scary for everyone involved.

As a therapist, my goal is to discuss mental wellness with as many people as possible to help normalize seeking treatment for mental health and wellness. What better time to have an open dialogue about mental health than now with the many changes in our healthcare system. It would be ideal if everyone could set aside their assumptions, fears and negative perspectives about mental health. We can help those around us seek help without the fear of labeling and minimizing with a few tips. Below are a few ways to help someone that appears to need help achieving mental wellness.

What Can you Do....

Get educated. Learn the facts about symptoms you experience or observe in someone else. Mental health needs are not the same in everyone and can manifest differently for each person. Everyone will not need a diagnose, hospitalization or medication.

Know who to call and when. There is only so much self medicating once can do before the symptoms become too much to manage. Simply talking about mental health will not give a person any ideas. Sometimes, someone initiating a discussion can break the ice and start the process. Know the resources in your community and call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department when the symptoms appear unmanageable.

Be supportive. If you are struggling with providing support, connect with someone that is empathetic to you and can possibly lead you in the right direction. There are a number treatments available and it takes courage to seek the help. The difference between someone seeking help or silently fighting can be the support of one helpful individual.

Be aware of your own judgements and prejudices. We all have them; and unfortunately many come from other uneducated individuals passing on poor information. Be honest about your own shame and guilt about mental health so that you can be an active participant in ending the stigma.

Listen, listen, listen. Whether you have a mental health diagnosis or not - we all want to be heard. We all want to know that someone is listening to us and/or trying to understand what we need. Just because you don’t understand the symptoms does not mean you are not able to help.

Support mental health organizations and providers. Many organizations close due to funding and lack of community support. Volunteering your time and/or money goes a long way to provide resources for those in need of services. You may not know who you helped specifically but your contribution can help other professionals and volunteers with ending the negative stigma.

Mental health care and treatment is a universal issue and awareness is one of the critical pieces to making treatment available.